Notably, my research suggests that hookup culture is a problem not because it promotes casual sex, but because it makes a destructive form of casual sexual engagement feel compulsory. Hookup culture encourages a punishing emotional landscape, where caring for others or even simple courtesy seem inappropriate, while carelessness and even cruelty are allowed.
At its worst, it encourages young men and women to engage in sexual competitiveness and status-seeking while meeting impossible standards of attractiveness. It privileges immediate pleasure-seeking and heightens risks that students will become either perpetrators or victims of sexual crimes.
Understanding that the forces shaping sexual relationships on campuses are cultural — that problems lie not so much in particular encounters as in hookup culture overall — is the first step toward clarifying what needs to change.
Because culture is a type of shared consciousness, many people need to work together to make changes happen. And they can. Especially because of the strong ties in student bodies, campuses can transform themselves faster than one might suspect. They are well-positioned to usher in the next new sexual culture.
Ceding to or resisting that culture then becomes part of their everyday lives. Many of the students interviewed for this story described moments where they found themselves in the arms of a stranger after a night of drinking or partying — particularly younger college students who are still learning how to manage and embrace sexuality.
The potential problems with hookup culture might remind you of a high school sex education class. Hookup culture has been around for awhile. Wade said hookup culture offers a toolkit for embracing casual sex, but it does not offer much explanation for navigating other kinds of sexual engagement — including abstinence.
For students who feel ambivalent, she says, many may decide to give hooking up a try. The average age of marriage for women in was For men, it was In , women were getting married out of college at age 23; men at Since people are getting married later, finding a lifelong partner in college is not necessarily a priority for most.
Regardless, experiences and perceptions of hookup culture are fluid and adaptable. The women I interviewed were eager to build connections, intimacy and trust with their sexual partners. Instead, almost all of them found themselves going along with hookups that induced overwhelming self-doubt, emotional instability and loneliness. Three years later, the experience still stung. My research gave me a sense of solace. I went on to publish my thesis online, and stories from students around the country came pouring in.
It was clear we were far from alone. The young women I spoke with were taking part in hookup culture because they thought that was what guys wanted, or because they hoped a casual encounter would be a stepping stone to commitment. But engaging in hookup culture while wholeheartedly craving love and stability was perhaps the least feminist action I, and hundreds of my peers, could take.
But they felt strong social pressure to have casual sex. Needless to say, the detrimental effects of this performance pressure are countless and severe. As writers like Peggy Orenstein have noted, while college students are having a lot of sex, I believe most of us—men and women—know basically nothing about it. I lost my virginity at But I never had an orgasm until senior year of college , when my boyfriend and I became exclusive.
To attempt to separate emotions from sex is not only illogical, given that emotion intensely augments pleasure, but also impossible for almost all women.
If we taught pleasure-centric sex ed, beginning in middle school and high school and all the way through college, I can only imagine the possibilities. As the academic year ends, summer offers students invaluable space for reflection.
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Editions Quartz. But one thing is certain: in the coming years, therapists will be getting an increasingly close-up look at the long-term consequences of what it meant to learn about the possibilities of love and commitment at a time when technology and changing cultural norms were transforming the way young people connected with each other.
This blog is excerpted from "Inside Hookup Culture. Subscribe to Psychotherapy Networker Today! Your email address will not be published. Website URL. Your browser must support JavaScript to view this content.
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